Date? Anyone? Bueller?

Ok, I have had bad thoughts about the married ex-boyfriend. Seriously bad! I really need a date! Really. seriously. badly. He has called several times since we met for drinks and it stirred up some stuff in me. Now, I know he is bad news! BAD NEWS! I know he is married. I DO! But, I'm just lonely. YES- LONELY! We dated off and on for nearly 7 years. I honestly didn't think about dating again until recently. I was with the same person the entire time I was in college and afterwards. Also, both our fathers died while we were together. There was a lot of firsts. A lot of baggage, a lot of good times, and a lot of tears. But, I need to move on! I'm ready to do that- now where's the man to help me move there? I know I have a lot of great friends. I have some fantastic close friends! But, I haven't been on a date in a LONGGGG time. I need male companionship. I'm also over the clubbing until all hours of the night. I want to go to a nice dinner, see a movie and then go home. Or grab a pizza and rent movies and lay on the couch watching them all night. I'm ready for calmness. Relaxation. Us time. I'm ready for double dates to the Orpheum shows. A night in Tunica. A weekend getaway to somewhere! I'm ready! So for now- now I need to get a personal life again.

Happy Balentine's Day from the Liberry...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I received many valentines today from my kids at the liberry. They were sooo cute. I had planned on giving them- in addition to the lovely Hello Kitty valentines I handed out- pencils. Yes, I am the daughter of a teacher. But, I couldn't find where I had put them and therefore they received leis. Yes, leis! Left over from my birthday. Thank goodness they loved them! Made the day go a lot easier. Received a phone call from my ex-boyfriend wishing me happy day. I got mushy and he said it was all his fault. I know I don't miss him, but I miss the idea of him. I know pitiful.

He called me at like 11:45pm on a Saturday night about two weeks ago. He called me. I had just come home from eating yummy sushi @ SPR. I had been expecting M to call and so I just grabbed and answered- bad deal! He wanted to see me. Why, I still don't know. But, I don't know why- I guess some morbid curiosity- I wanted to see him too. We met at R P Tracks- can we say public place?! It was sooo strange. I don't even know that person anymore. I think he's depressed. He'd never admit that! I feel soo much better. I seemed to have no feelings for him beyond wishing him the best in life. I think he thought I'd say- why didn't you want to marry me... blah blah blah. But I looked at him- really looked and I'm not that same girl. He is definitely not the same guy I met so long ago. It was surreal. I am soooo much better off! therapy, medicine and time- all I really needed to do was sit down and look at him and realize- he is NOT the one. But, now I think about him all the time it seems. Weird. Last night I dreamed that he came up to me and said he was leaving his wife, and that he loved me. Soooo bizarre!

I don't need him. It's official. I need to start dating again.